Most families avoid this conversation; they shouldn’t

For years, conversations about money, aging and estate planning were often avoided within families. That’s beginning to change, Harry Margolis, author of Get Your Ducks in a Row, said in an interview.

More households are recognizing the need for structured, ongoing discussions about finances, health and end-of-life planning, especially as parents age and responsibilities shift to the next generation..

Margolis said one simple step can make a significant difference: holding a regular family meeting.

Below is a transcript of that interview, edited for clarity and brevity

Why family meetings about money matter

Robert Powell: It can be a touchy subject. Children want to talk to their parents about money and estate planning. Sometimes parents want to talk to their children about the same issues. And sometimes the two are miles apart, because these conversations have long been considered taboo.

But holding a family meeting can be critical. Here to talk with us about that is Harry Margolis, author of Get Your Ducks in a Row. Harry, welcome.

Creating structure around difficult conversations

Harry Margolis: I started thinking more about this after hearing from a financial planner friend, Al Robluski. He’s in a second marriage, and he and his wife hold two meetings a year with their children, who are named on their powers of attorney.

At each meeting, they go through a list of topics: finances, estate planning, travel, living arrangements and more. That way, everyone understands what’s going on. There’s transparency, and if changes need to be made, they can make them together.

Twice a year may be more than most families need. But an annual meeting makes a lot of sense, especially as people get older.

Overcoming discomfort and busy schedules

Both parents and children may want to have these conversations, but they often feel uncomfortable bringing them up. And even when they intend to talk, life gets busy.

That’s why setting a specific date can help. It could be tied to a holiday, an anniversary or another regular gathering. The key is to make it routine.

Having a structured agenda also helps. Topics might include:

How finances are doingHealth updatesPlans for the coming yearAccess to accountsLocation of estate planning documents

Some families even use shared online folders to store important documents so everyone has access when needed.

Reducing conflict through transparency

Robert Powell: What about situations where relationships are strained? Should families consider a mediator?

Harry Margolis: In most cases, probably not. I’d say in nine out of 10 situations, a mediator isn’t necessary.

The goal of regular meetings is to create transparency and communication. When people don’t talk, suspicions can develop. Someone may act independently, and others may disagree or feel left out.

By addressing issues early and regularly, families can often avoid those conflicts. But if things do go off track, a mediator can be helpful.

Virtual meetings make it easier

Robert Powell: Families often live far apart today. Is it OK to use video calls?

Harry Margolis: Absolutely. Tools like Zoom make it much easier than it was in the past.

How to get started

For families new to this process, starting can feel daunting.

Margolis suggests looking at available tools, such as end-of-life planning resources, for guidance. But families don’t need a perfect template.

They can create their own agenda and adapt it over time. It’s also important to leave room for additional topics that may come up.

Expect some bumps along the way

Robert Powell: In some families, not everyone is on the same page. Conversations may not go smoothly.

Harry Margolis: That’s true. But it’s better to address those issues now than after the fact.

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